Destiny

Destiny

Sitting on the edge of the pier, absorbed in their own thoughts, Jessie and Adam watched as the sun drew its last breath before sinking into the horizon. This place was special to them, almost sacred. It was where they had met the first time. It was where they always seemed to wind up after a date. It was where Adam had proposed so many years ago. It was where they had brought the kids in their strollers, then on their skates and bicycles. There was a little playground with picnic tables where they had spent many Saturday afternoons having lunch, watching the kids play and just enjoying life. Well, the kids were grown now, and instead of picnics, they would just get a cup of coffee to go from the little café just up the street. Sometimes, they would sit and talk for hours, often just relishing the quiet solitude and the enjoyment that comes from being with the one you love. They both knew they had spent a wonderful life together.

“Why is death so scary?”
“I don’t know, baby. I guess ‘cause it’s an unknown thing.”
“You know that I won’t be able to make it without you.”
“Yes, you will. You’ll have the kids and grandkids to think about.”
“No, I won’t. Jerry is in Philadelphia, and Susan and Sharon are in New York. You know they never come down, and we never get to see the grandkids except in school pictures. I’m not even sure if they would even miss us.”

In just a few more minutes, the sun will be completely down, and they will be sitting in the twilight of early evening, holding hands and watching the stars come out over the ocean, feeling the cool breeze that flows off the water, just like they had done so many evenings before.

“What do you mean by ‘us‘? You’re not gonna die, I am.”
“I meant just what I said - us. I’m not going to stay here without you. You’re all I’ve got, all I’ve ever had really. We belong together, whether it’s alive or dead.”
“We shouldn’t even be having this conversation. It’s just not fair. I’m not through living yet.”
“I know, baby. But we are having this conversation, and there are things we need to do, things we need to say. We’ve always talked about everything before, and now should be no different.”
“You mean like what happens when I’m gone? Funeral arrangements? Who gets what I leave behind? Stuff like that?”
“Yea, that’s part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“Wondering if you really know what a difference you’ve made. Wondering if you really know and understand how much I love you, how much I’ve needed you.”

Once again, they are immersed in their thoughts. Jessie squeezes Adam’s hand. The breeze tickles the hair from Adam’s forehead. You would think they were just an older couple enjoying the evening, not discussing the end of their lives.

“So, who gets what?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I care.”
“What about arrangements?”
“I don’t think I care about them either. What a word - arrangements. Like this is something people plan on? What difference do arrangements make?”
“Kind of like life insurance. It doesn’t insure your life, just your arrangements.”

They both smile at this comment. It’s the first smile they’ve shared today. Its funny how words and phrases are often ignored for their humorous content, funny how they can take on new meanings when the situation calls for it.

“By the way, I want you to remember that I do know how much you’ve loved me. I’ve seen it everyday in your eyes, your smiles, and all the little things we’ve shared.”
“I hope you really do know.”
“I do, baby, really I do.”

Adam leaned over to kiss her. Not a long, drawn out thing, but a kiss that seals their last words. A kiss that tells them both how lucky they have been. How fortunate they were to have found that once-in-a-lifetime true love.

Adam thought about how beautiful Jessie was, even in her advancing years. How time had been kind to her and how she still had the same bright eyes and glowing smile that he fell for in the first place. He sat with his memories, remembering all the little things, like the glow she had while carrying the children, the light in her eyes when they bought the house. He thought about the way she looked in her wedding dress so many years ago or in her old nightgown just last night. The way she responded to his touch, even now.

Jessie was thinking how attracted to Adam she still was, even though they weren’t young anymore. She thought about how his eyes still lit up when she entered a room, how the years had added lines to his face, but not in an ugly way. She thought of all the smiles that caused the lines around his mouth. She remembered the way he never seemed to get angry, never seemed to get flustered. She thought about how his hand in hers had felt over the years, the strength of it, and the feeling of knowing that everything would always be ok if he would just hold her hand through it all. She remembered with a slight blush how his hands had felt to her over the years lying close in their bed.

“You said you weren’t going to stay here without me. Were you serious?”
“Yes, I‘m serious!” I know it sounds like I’m crazy or something, but that is just how I feel. I’d be incomplete without you, somehow missing something. I’d have no purpose, no meaning in my life. Do you think I could ever come down here again? Just sit here by myself? Or just rattle around the house by myself every day, alone in bed at night?”
“So what are your plans when I’m gone?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far. I guess a handful sleeping pills and a couple of vodka tonics would do ok. I’m not too keen on blowing my brains out.”
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“I told you I was. You may go first, but I’m not staying here by myself. I‘ve shared the last 43 years with you. I plan on sharing eternity, too.”

It’s dark now, and still they are sitting, although a little bit closer now to ward off the chill of the evening. Not many people are on the pier during the week. Just an occasional tourist, maybe one or two fisherman. Basically, they are alone. Just them, the sliver of a moon, and the stars gleaming against a velvet sky.

“You know, you have a choice. I don’t.”
“What choice? To live, to stay here alone? What kind of choice is that? Not one that I chose!”
“My choice was made for me. I am definitely going to die. This much we know. I meant that, if you are serious, you can choose to go with me, at the same time, rather than waiting on me to go first.”
“So how can I do that? We don’t know when you will go. The only thing the doctor said was it would be soon. He didn’t even say how soon.”
“Well, we could both go home and do the vodka tonics thing.”
“Hey, you know, that doesn’t sound too bad, now that I think about it. We could be together, in our own bed, just like always. Let somebody else worry about the damned arrangements and fight over what’s left behind.”
“Yea, but it doesn’t seem to have much flair to it. We’ve always had a flair for things, and this just doesn’t seem to measure up.”
“So, do you have any more suggestions?”

They sat quiet for few minutes, letting the realization of the conversation sink in. What would people think if they only knew what they were discussing? A falling star streaked across the sky. It seemed to almost linger there, almost beckoning them to follow.

“Did ya see that?”
“I sure did, baby. Wasn’t it beautiful?”
“It sure was.”

They thought about the many falling stars they had seen in their lifetime on this pier. They thought of all the hopes, dreams, and wishes made on them.

“I have another idea.”“Ok, let’s hear it.”
“We started on this pier, let’s end it here. There’s been no place more special to us than here. We fell in love here. It has that certain flair I was talking about. How about if we just disappear from the pier? Just jump off the side and swim to the falling star?”
“You know, baby, I like it. All you have to do is say when, and I’ll be with you. Always with you. I love you. I always have and always will”
“I love you, too. Do you think we’ll go to Heaven?”
"I don’t know, baby. I just know I’ve been in Heaven since I met you."

Jessie and Adam stood up, a little stiff from the long time of sitting. They looked around to see if there were any people who could try and stop them. There was no one. The pier was empty. Adam led her to the end of the railings. They were both trembling. There were tears in their eyes. This was good-bye. They knew this would be their last night on the pier. It would be the last evening conversation, the last falling star they would see together. Perhaps it was simply destiny. It seemed like a proper ending for two lives so intermingled, so intertwined. They held each other close for what seemed like a very long time. They kissed one last time.

Four days later, the morning paper read:

Missing Local Couple Found On Beach, Both Drowned

They were still holding hands.